he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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