if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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