Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
