I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
