Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
