I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
