So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
