It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
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Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
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I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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