ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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