thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
