We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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