In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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