Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
And my parents said I crawled through the house
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
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