i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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