We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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