Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
