Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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