You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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