She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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