Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
