she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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