She's JV to your varsity
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My underwear smells like fireworks.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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