sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
