Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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