Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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