do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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