Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
