FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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