i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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