I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
