Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
