In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
