just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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