Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Randomize
