i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
