My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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