do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
