I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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