if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
