Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
