Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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