My sheets look like a crime scene.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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