Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
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