Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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