he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
