You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize