There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
