Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
