My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
