exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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