So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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