I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
