What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Randomize
