sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
