Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
