You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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