what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
