Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
