If i come over, it means nothing
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
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