when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
