That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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