Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
