We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
