i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize