I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
