im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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