That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
