While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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