Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
