I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I came so hard my ears popped.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
