You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
