when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
