Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
