how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
