atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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