is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
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