Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
