I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
