Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
