I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
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He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Boobs speak an international language.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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