We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Just puked most of my soul out..
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
