The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
