More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
