dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
